The Guitar Man

This was one of my favorite songs back in dental school. It has a melancholic tone to it, and reflects how I used to feel back then. Sometimes, I feel like I’m “the Guitar Man”. I keep on drifting miles and miles away, constantly searching for the songs to play…

Johannesburg (the city where my dental school is located) is about 6.5 hours away from the nearest ocean (the Indian ocean, in Durban). I have always loved the ocean since I was a child, so always long to go to the beach and watch the waves ebb and flow.

My father got transferred back to Taiwan after I started dental school, and then my entire family went back not long thereafter. I was the only one left in South Africa, all on my own. The university breaks were the hardest times for me since most of my friends live near Durban and they all went home during the spring and winter breaks.

One time (I can’t remember if we were on a spring break or winter break), three of my friends (and classmates) were going to carpool together and go back to Durban. They came to visit me at my flat to bid me goodbye. After we got talking for a while, they told me to come along with them. And I said “Yes”! 😃 So I quickly packed my bags and we took off together to Durban. I remember something funny that happened along the way. We passed by many farmlands and could smell the manure even with our windows closed. So someone accused someone else (can’t remember who accused who now) of farting! 😆

All four of us are good friends and study buddies. We each have a study partner and the 6 of us became good friends and formed our own study group, so we hung out together a lot. We did everything together; whether it’s studying together, or having fun.

My good friend (if I remember correctly, it was he who held me in his arms as I was passing out during our group meeting) invited me to stay with him at his parent’s home. He always took good care of me, and helped me with whatever I was struggling with at the time. We also studied together and just sat on the grass chatting and relaxing during breaktimes. I would actually lie on his lap (or on the grass next to him? I can’t remember now…) and just fall asleep for a while.

He’s very supportive of me, and I always felt this energy of unconditional love emanating from him; that even if we never got together romantically, he will always still be there for me. He’s a couple of years older than me, and I also felt like he’s my big brother.

We went to the beach at night when I stayed at his parent’s place in Durban. We stood on the pier and I told him that I just want to jump off the pier and end my life. The stress from dental school (that I did not enjoy to begin with), from being completely alone on my own, from my sister’s illness, and from my abusive relationship with my ex just took a complete toll on my health ~ physically and mentally. He held me tightly and comforted me.

Eventually, something happened between us physically, but I did not feel that we were compatible intimately, so I wanted us to stay as friends. He came to my flat to talk about it. Thinking back, when I was under extreme stress, my brain would shut down completely. It was a long conversation and after a while, my brain just shut down and I fell asleep. I woke up when I heard him storming out and slamming the door behind him. I quickly ran out and he yelled something very hurtful to me as he walked away…

His parents came to congratulate me on our graduation ceremony, but him and I never spoke again since that day he stormed out of my flat.

I had thought about him and about us over the years. When I first joined Facebook, I added all of my dental school friends and was so excited to be communicating with them once again, and in such a convenient way. I didn’t send a friend request to him back then as I wasn’t sure if I should.

I finally created a new Facebook profile this year after being dormant for many years, ever since all of my devices & accounts got hacked back in 2017. I quickly found all of my dental friends and we started communicating again! 😃 My study partner told me that she has formed a group on WhatsApp and invited me to join that group. She told me the members in that group, and it included him as well. I told her that I’m too overwhelmed with having to re-create and manage a whole bunch of social media accounts and just want to stick with Facebook for now. I told her that I will contact him on Facebook instead.

I messaged him on Facebook and sent him a friend request as well. He added me on as a Facebook friend and told me that he contracted Covid from a patient last year. He lost 22 kgs in 3 weeks and almost died, but that he is healed now. I told him that I am so happy that he is okay now and am glad that our friendship has stayed as strong as ever.

He messaged me on Facebook last Saturday to let me know that ever since our last conversation (which was a few months back), his heart has stopped beating three times, due to Covid complications. He said that he is feeling better now and wake up every day feeling so lucky to be alive.

I was so sad and worried to hear that. 😥 I thanked him for letting me know about this and asked for us to keep in touch more often. I told him that I’m really happy that we got to reconnect again; that he was a good friend, and we had some really good times together.

He replied back and said that I was the best friend to him and he appreciates it very much. He said that he is also very happy that we have finally reconnected.

I was so touched from what he said. 😭 I wish things were different, and that we were able to remain good friends for all these years… I’m so grateful that he has survived Covid, and is slowly feeling better now. I wish for us to rebuild our friendship again. I’ll message him more often and see how he’s doing…

I don’t know why, but whenever I hear this song, it brings me back to the memories I have of standing on the pier, and just wanting to jump into the ocean…

The Guitar Man

~ Bread

Who draws the crowd and plays so loud
Baby it’s the guitar man
Who’s gonna steal the show
You know, baby, it’s the guitar man

He can make you love
He can make you cry
He will bring you down
Then he’ll get you high
Somethin’ keeps him goin’
Miles and miles a day
To find another place to play

Night after night who treats you right
Baby, it’s the guitar man
Who’s on the radio
You go listen to the guitar man

Then he comes to town
And you see his face
And you think you might
Like to take his place
Somethin’ keeps him driftin’
Miles and miles away
Searchin’ for the songs to play

Then you listen to the music
And you like to sing along
You want to get the meaning
Out of each and every song
Then you find yourself a message
And some words to call your own
And take them home

He can make you love
He can get you high
He will bring you down
Then he’ll make you cry
Somethin’ keeps him movin’
But no one seems to know
What it is that makes him go

Then the lights begin to flicker
And the sound is getting dim
The voice begins to falter
And the crowds are getting thin
But he never seems to notice
He’s just got to find
Another place to play

Fade away
Got to play
Fade away
Got to play