I called mom just now to see how everyone has been doing for the past week. I told her that the Covid-19 Delta variant is becoming rampant now in the US, and the CDC is now encouraging everyone to wear a mask when indoors, whether they’ve been vaccinated or not. I told mom that it’s a little difficult in Minnesota since most people here have stopped wearing their masks after the mask mandate got lifted back in June.
I rejoined the gym back in June so that I can walk on the treadmill for a couple of times per week. The main reason is to encourage myself to leave the house every day, and get some sunlight & fresh air. I seem to be the only person that wears a mask at the gym. It’s a good thing that I’m just walking on the treadmill and stretching, so it’s easier to do that with my mask on, since I don’t run out of breath. But sometimes, people will still look at me funny. I’ve also started to attend a weekly meeting focusing on improving self-love, and I’m also the only person there that wears a mask. It takes a lot of courage to do this, and sometimes, I feel like just not wearing a mask so that I don’t stand out from the crowd (in a not so good way), but I then remind myself that my health is much more important than saving face.
Dad’s memory loss has worsened in the past few years. I started noticing it the last time my husband and I went back to Taiwan to visit my family at the end of 2018. We were going to visit them again at the end of 2019 but then my husband lost his job and started his third-shift job around that same time. I was considering going back myself at the beginning of 2020 to visit them, especially after my sister tried to commit suicide, but then Covid struck. We haven’t gone back to Taiwan to visit my family for 2.5 years now, and I miss them dearly.
For the past year, whenever I speak with dad on the phone, he still thinks that my husband is working for the same company that went under at the end of 2019. Being the honest person that I am, I once tried to tell my dad the truth, but the next time we spoke on the phone, he still asked if my husband is working for that same company? I think dad’s memory is stuck with around that time frame. Just like with the movie “50 First Dates” with Drew Barrymore & Adam Sandler, I figured that there’s no use traumatizing my dad just for him to forget the whole thing, and then having to get re-traumatized over and over again. So, whenever dad asks if my husband is still working for the same company these days, I just tell him “Yes”.
And for some odd reason, dad thinks that I’m an immigration officer (instead of the bilingual customer service representative job that I stopped working for two months ago). I’ve also stopped trying to explain to dad that I’m not, and just play along with it. π
I remember back in 2018, I asked dad and mom to write some words at the back of a photograph I took of our family, and mom had to tell dad what to write. Dad wrote the words “I will remember you forever”. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it, because of dad’s memory loss condition. It was as if subconsciously, he wants to let us know that even if he doesn’t remember us in the future, that deep down inside, he still does. I just miss my family a lot …
I’ll Be There
~ Mariah Carey
You and I must make a pact
We must bring salvation back
Where there is love, I’ll be there (I’ll be there)I’ll reach out my hand to you
I’ll have faith in all you do
Just call my name and I’ll be there (I’ll be there)I’ll be there to comfort you
Build my world of dreams around you
I’m so glad that I found you
I’ll be there with a love so strong
I’ll be your strength
You know I’ll keep holdin’ on
Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness, well it’s all I’m after
Just call my name, and I’ll be there (I’ll be there)I’ll be there to protect you (yeah baby)
With an unselfish love that respects you
Just call my name, and I’ll be there (I’ll be there)I’ll be there to comfort you
Build my world of dreams around you
You know I’m so glad that I found you baby (so glad baby)I’ll be there with a love so strong
I’ll be your strength, (Be your strength)
You know I’ll keep holdin’ on
If you should ever find someone new
I know she better be good to you
‘Cause if she doesn’t
Then I’ll be there (I’ll be there)Don’t you know baby, yeah I’ll be there
I’ll be there
Just call my name, and I’ll be there
Yeah, I’ll be there baby
You know I’ll be there
Just call my name and I’ll be there
Just look over your shoulder!
Just call my name and I’ll be there