Being married to the wrong person really sucks! It’s bad enough when you don’t share the same aspirations towards life, or have common interests, it’s far worse when you’re at the opposite end of the spectrum, when you’re at conflict as to what is right or wrong. When what you feel is the right thing to do is being vehemently opposed by the other person.
And now you’re stuck. You’ve given up your hopes, your dreams for this marriage, without being appreciated, and all for what? For nothing. Nothing that really matters to you – love, joy, happiness, passion, being cared for, and a sense of belonging. None of that, all that is left is a piece of paper reminding you that you are stuck.
He is so negative, not just towards you, but towards everyone else as well. Towards life in general. Especially in the past few years, he’s had problems with his work and it’s understandable to feel defeated. But you went through it with him as well, you suffered through it as well. You tried your best to make yourself happy again, and you try your best to make him feel happy, but it’s like the only emotions he has towards life are anger, jealousy, and resentment. And he can’t stand it when you try to feel joy and laughter in your life, so he will do his damn best to bring you down to same low vibrational level as himself. Misery loves company! If this was just an acquaintance, then you can just decide to stop interacting with him. But no, you live in the same house. As little as you two interact with each other, when he’s in a bad mood, he will actually take some time to talk to you and make you angry and upset. That’s the only time he’s willing to waste his ‘precious’ time and energy on you, to bring you down to the same low vibrational energy as himself.
You were brave enough tonight to just decide to stop engaging with him, and go downstairs to do some tapping, and let him continue yapping and yelling upstairs, while trying to drown out what he says. Well done, until next time…..
If you choose to leave this marriage, especially after so long, then you are a bad person. You probably weren’t being loving enough, or caring enough, or understanding enough. You’re a woman, you’re supposed to obey everything your man says. At least, that was how you were brought up. You’re not supposed to speak your mind. What you care, or how you feel, does not matter.
He didn’t ask to end this, so how dare you even think about it? He is your family member now. Even your parents and siblings see him as your family member. If you leave him, then you are a cruel, cold and heartless person. Even your own family will speak against you, especially your dad (whom you love dearly), who believes that a good wife is supposed to be at her husband’s beck and call, and is not supposed to argue with him; someone like your mom, your loving, kind mom, who was basically treated like a doormat. Not that your dad doesn’t her, he loves her dearly, but he expects her to behave in a certain obedient way, and she obeys him. And you know what’s even worse? Your mom, who has a saint-like quality, doesn’t think so. Therefore, you feel guilty for agreeing with your siblings that your mom was treated like a doormat. And this is your dad that we’re talking about, for goodness sake! How can you think bad things about your dad? This is how you grew up, this is what you’re familiar with. So, the fact that you even argue with your husband makes you feel guilty, because you are not obeying what your father has taught you growing up. How can you disobey your father? So now, you feel guilty, not just towards your husband, but towards your father as well! No one in your family has ever gotten a divorce, so you will be shaming your family if you do so! You made the choice, so live with it!
Even though your father is now suffering from memory loss due to aging, he will still remember to remind you whenever you two speak on the phone that, “Your husband is busy, so he probably won’t talk to you much. I was like that as well”. He will remind you constantly to bury your feelings, to accept that your husband doesn’t want to talk, or even have any interactions with, because he’s busy, so he’s “entitled” to treat you like you don’t exist. And it’s your job to try and make conversations with him, but remember, if he doesn’t want to interact, or even if he seems annoyed that you’re making conversation with him, then don’t bother him. And if he wants to take his frustrations from work out on you, then let him do that, because you’re supposed to be a good wife. He works so hard, so it is his God-given right to take his anger and frustrations out on you. Just accept it and behave accordingly. Your mom accepted her fate, so what is your problem???
He has never appreciated anything that you have done for him. Never did, and never will!
Even your dear, loving mother will say to you, “You can’t leave him, or he will drink himself to death”. So there you have it, both your mom and dad, that you love dearly, make it clear to you over and over again that you need to sacrifice your happiness for the greater good. Basically, the message (perhaps inadvertently) that they are sending to you, is that “You Don’t Matter”! Besides, it’s not like you’re a saint yourself. If your husband is willing to put up with your shortcomings, then you should be grateful enough already! Sigh…. No wonder my sister is ill! I’m surprised I haven’t lost my mind completely yet! Sometimes, I’m not sure who I’m more angry with? My husband, or my parents???
Live small, dream small, be a doormat, because that’s how a woman is supposed to behave, especially when she becomes a wife. That’s basically what you were taught growing up…
You are stuck, you are so stuck. This is probably why you’re always feeling like so many joints in your body is stuck! Because that is the energy you carry with you everywhere you go, of being stuck, and staying stuck. And if you want to unstuck yourself, then you are a bad person, a bad daughter and a bad wife.
It’s not like you have not encountered people that you have strong feelings towards, but what the heck are you supposed to do, besides burying those feelings deep inside of you, and just drowning those feelings. You might as well just not feel, because what you’re feeling towards another person is wrong. You’re supposed to be feeling those feelings towards your husband, not someone else. That is wrong! So, you might as well just not feel anything at all, what’s the point?